How to Manage the People Who Manage You

As a middle manager, there are lots of times I find myself in sticky situations. My boss will come to me with a problem that one of my employees has exhibited and recommend that action be taken, but I may not always agree. Thus is the cycle of a middle manager – you have people above demanding things and people below who have a variety of other needs. I work hard to keep the staff that I supervise in a good mindset, getting along and performing to the best of their abilities. It is a very delicate balance and can be disrupted very easily by another manager’s comments.

I've been able to handle these situations by taking a lesson from the basic traits associated with customer service. 

1. Listen. This is one of the most important things to do and often overlooked practices when dealing with people in general. The more time you spend listening to your supervisors or employees complain, the more validated they will feel. As you listen, you are able to show both understanding and empathy. “Yes, I definitely understand your concern regarding Will and I can see how his actions are causing a problem.”

2. Filter. After you listen to your supervisor’s complaint and recommendation, you need to filter what was said and rephrase it before you talk to your staff. There is nothing worse than telling your staff exactly what your direct supervisor thinks. In many cases your direct supervisor may just need to vent their frustrations. It doesn't help anyone involved if you relay those frustrations directly to the staff members. In fact, it damages the relationship with your supervisor and your staff. Try relaying your message in your own style without accusations. “Hi Will, is everything going okay? I've observed some behavior from you lately that has me concerned, let’s talk about it.”

3. Be Accountable. It doesn't help anyone if you listen to your direct supervisor and then never confront the employee about the issues. Being accountable allows you to take control of the situation while being both fair to the employee and addressing your supervisors concerns. This way everyone involved is able to confront the situation and nobody is surprised by a poor evaluation or disciplinary action months later. Once you speak with the employee, report back to your supervisor so they are aware you have handled the situation. “I spoke with Will about the issue, and we are working on a way to improve it.”

Once you get in the habit of listening, filtering, and being accountable to both your immediate supervisor and the employees you supervise it will have a direct impact on office morale. The supervisor will feel confident in your abilities to manage staff and your staff will know that you are working with them and not above them.

How Do You Fire a Friend?

Unless you strictly work from home, chances are you have made some ‘work friends’ with whom you can eat lunch and share opinions. It’s great to come to work and feel comfortable with the people you work with and it goes hand in hand with morale.

It’s also very important as a manager that you have a good relationship with your staff. One of the pitfalls of being a new manager, especially if you are in the trenches with your staff and not alone in your office all day, is that you begin to develop deeper relationships. You become Facebook friends, you go out for Friday afternoon drinks, and you meet up on weekends and get to know their families. All of this is great, if your staff is meeting the standards you have set forth. But, what happens when you have to take disciplinary action against a friend? This has been an ongoing dilemma for me, as the ‘friendly’ boss I have gotten to know my employees on a personal level.

Recently, a young staff member began to slack on her work performance. We had mini-meetings where I tried to influence her and give her the resources she needed to get back on track. We developed training and manuals. I reminded her of her job description and that she was the face of our office. Yet through all of my efforts, she was still procrastinating on her work duties. I would walk by her desk and she would be watching movies or talking on her phone.

Yes, I’m the cool boss. No, I don’t care if you have free time and want to entertain yourself. But soon, the complaints began to pile up and the execs wanted answers. I went to her and explained the situation she was putting me in and how her lack of accountability was affecting her standing. I thought that by conveying this sense of urgency to her, she would see the error of her ways.

She didn't.  It wasn't long before she was placed on a performance improvement plan. Surely, I thought, this will open her eyes to the problem and she will strive to improve. She didn't.  Together we talked with the execs who also clarified their concerns. She must be willing to listen to them! She didn't.

The trend continued until a decision had to be made. I had to recommend her termination and it left such a deep pit in my stomach that I haven’t quite crawled out yet. She was a friend, I knew her family, we had a relationship beyond work, but as a manager I couldn't let that influence me into letting her slack on the job or continuously make excused for her low performance.

In the weeks following her termination, we haven’t spoken, and that made me realize one other important thing – we weren't really good friends. If we had been, she would have not have put me in that situation. Even though I have to work a little harder until we find a new hire and I may have severed a bridge, I feel a 100% that I made the right decision. I closed the door on a person who was taking advantage of our ‘friendship’ and realized that as a manager I have to be as unbiased as possible regarding work performance.

I plan to continue being the cool boss, but I won’t make the mistake of putting my own reputation on the line for a person who obviously doesn't value my position or hold themselves accountable in the workplace.